Choosing a guardian may be the hardest part of making a will.
You are not just deciding who receives your property. You are deciding who might raise your children, make medical decisions, handle school changes, and help them grieve.
That is a serious decision. It is also one you should not leave to a default court process.
In Virginia, Maryland, and DC, parents typically name guardians in their wills. A will-based plan gives the court clear instructions about your choice. It does not guarantee that every future situation will be simple, but it gives your family a strong starting point.
Before you name someone, ask these 15 questions.
1. Do our values and faith align?
Your guardian does not need to agree with you on every issue. But major differences can create conflict.
Consider your views on:
- Religion and faith practices
- Education
- Discipline
- Technology and social media
- Health care
- Family traditions
- Community involvement
Ask yourself whether this person would raise your children in a way that feels consistent with your core values.
You can also explain your preferences in a letter of wishes. More on that below.
2. How would this person parent?
A loving relative is not automatically the right guardian.
Think about the person’s actual parenting style. Are they patient? Consistent? Able to set boundaries? Comfortable handling homework, appointments, sibling conflict, and teenage independence?
You may want a guardian who parents differently from you in some ways. That is normal. The key question is whether their approach would provide stability and support.
3. Are they old enough, healthy enough, and available enough?
Age matters. So does health.
An older relative may be deeply loving and emotionally ideal but unable to manage the physical demands of raising young children. A younger friend may have energy but lack the life experience or stability you want.
Ask:
- Can this person realistically care for my children for many years?
- Do they have health limitations that could affect daily parenting?
- Would their work schedule allow them to take on the role?
- Are they likely to remain available as my children grow?
This is not about judging someone. It is about planning for the actual job.
4. Do they already have children?
A potential guardian’s existing family affects everyone involved.
If they already have children, ask:
- Would my children fit comfortably into the household?
- Would bedrooms, transportation, and school arrangements work?
- How might the children respond to one another?
- Could the guardian give each child enough attention?
Existing children do not disqualify someone. But you should think through the practical and emotional impact before making the nomination.
5. Can they afford the responsibility?
Your guardian does not need to be wealthy. But raising children costs money.
Consider the likely expenses:
- Housing
- Food and clothing
- Child care
- Health insurance
- School costs
- Transportation
- Activities
- Counseling or other support
Your estate can help. Life insurance can help. A trust can help. But your plan should not assume that the guardian can simply absorb every cost.
Be honest about what support your children may need.
6. Should the children’s inheritance be held in a trust?
Usually, you should not leave a minor a direct inheritance.
A minor cannot responsibly manage a large sum. In many cases, money left directly to a child may require court involvement and could become available to the child at a young age.
A trust can provide a better structure. It can allow money to be used for:
- Health
- Education
- Housing
- Daily support
- Special needs
- Other reasonable expenses
It can also delay large distributions until your child is older and more prepared.
A revocable living trust may be useful for families who own a home or want to avoid probate. A will-based plan can also include trust provisions for children. The right structure depends on your assets and goals.
7. Will the guardian and trustee be separate people?
This is an important question.
The guardian raises your children. The trustee manages the money. Those roles do not have to be held by the same person.
A separate trustee may provide:
- Financial oversight
- Better investment management
- Less pressure on the guardian
- More accountability
- A clearer separation between parenting and money decisions
You may trust one person with both roles. But do not assume that is automatically best.
Never hand a minor a lump sum simply because it is easier. Ask your attorney how your documents can control when and how the money is used.
8. Would your children need to move?
Geography can change everything.
A guardian who lives several states away may be loving and responsible. But your children could face:
- A new home
- A new school
- A new state
- A different support network
- Less contact with friends and relatives
Ask whether keeping the children near their current school, doctors, activities, and extended family should be a priority.
There may not be one perfect answer. A move may be the best choice if the guardian is otherwise clearly right. The important point is to think through the disruption.
9. How would siblings stay together?
If you have more than one child, decide whether they should remain together.
For many families, keeping siblings together is the clear preference. But you should still consider the practical details:
- Can one household accommodate all of them?
- Do the children have different medical or educational needs?
- Would one guardian be able to care for each child?
- Are there circumstances where separate homes might be safer or more appropriate?
State your preference clearly in your will and letter of wishes. Do not make relatives guess.
10. How would blended-family relationships work?
Blended families require extra care.
You may need to think about:
- Stepchildren
- Half-siblings
- A former spouse
- A current spouse or partner
- Different legal parents
- Existing custody arrangements
- Children who live in different homes
Do not assume that family members will automatically cooperate after your death. Identify the relationships that may create tension and address them while you can.
A clear estate plan can reduce confusion. It cannot eliminate every disagreement, but it can give everyone a better roadmap.
11. Have you asked the person directly?
Always ask first.
Do not name someone as guardian without having a direct conversation. The person may be honored but unable to serve. They may have health, work, financial, or family concerns that you do not know about.
Ask plainly:
“If something happened to both of us, would you be willing to raise our children?”
Then discuss the practical realities. Where would the children live? What support would they need? Who else should be involved?
Get an honest answer. A reluctant guardian is not a strong plan.
12. Who is the backup guardian?
Your first choice may not be available when needed.
They could:
- Die before you
- Become seriously ill
- Move away
- Change their mind
- Become unable to provide care
- Have a legal or personal problem that affects their fitness
Name one or more successor guardians. Talk to each backup before naming them.
Review the choices after major life changes, including divorce, remarriage, relocation, illness, or the birth of another child.
13. How would your guardian handle money?
The guardian should understand the financial plan.
Explain:
- Where the trust or estate assets are held
- Who serves as trustee
- How requests for money will be made
- What expenses the trust may cover
- How school, housing, and health costs will be handled
This is another reason to consider separating the guardian and trustee roles. The guardian can focus on the children’s daily needs while the trustee follows the financial instructions.
The plan should be easy to find and easy to use.
14. What should the guardian know that a legal document cannot explain?
A will is necessary, but it cannot describe every detail of your family life.
Write a letter of wishes with practical guidance, such as:
- Your children’s routines
- Important relationships
- Medical information
- School preferences
- Favorite activities
- Religious practices
- Comfort items
- Family traditions
- Names of trusted doctors, teachers, and advisers
- Your hopes for the children’s relationship with extended family
The letter is generally guidance, not a replacement for your legal documents. Keep it current. Tell the guardian where it is stored.
15. Has an attorney reviewed the guardianship provisions?
A generic online form may let you type in a name. That does not mean the plan works for your family.
Attorney review matters because your plan should coordinate:
- Guardian nominations
- Backup guardians
- Trust provisions
- Life insurance
- Retirement accounts
- Property ownership
- Medical documents
- Powers of attorney
- State-specific signing requirements
Virginia law, Maryland law, and DC law do not operate identically. For example, Virginia law allows a parent to appoint a guardian of the person and a guardian for a minor’s estate by will. A named guardian may also need to accept the appointment and satisfy court requirements after probate. See Virginia Code § 64.2-1701.
Maryland allows a surviving parent to appoint a guardian and successor guardians of an unmarried minor by will under Estates and Trusts § 13-701.
If you are researching how to make a will in DC, remember that signing rules and guardianship provisions still need to be handled correctly for the District. A will should be reviewed as a complete plan, not just a form with names inserted.
Do not confuse estate size with guardian planning
A “small estate” does not mean you can skip a will.
For Maryland, current small-estate thresholds are $50,000, or $100,000 if there is a surviving spouse who is the sole heir.
For Virginia, the current small-estate figures are $75,000, with a $35,000 single-asset provision.
These thresholds may affect simplified estate administration. They do not answer the most important question: who will care for your children?
A practical way to finish the decision
Start with three conversations:
- Talk with your co-parent.
- Ask your first-choice guardian.
- Ask your backup guardian.
Then document the decision in a properly prepared estate plan.
Estate Plan HQ offers Solo Will Plans and Couples Will Plans for families who mainly need core documents and guardian nominations. If you own a home or want probate-avoidance planning, review the Couples Trust Plan and other trust-based planning options.
Every plan includes essential documents such as a Last Will and Testament, Durable Power of Attorney, Advance Medical Directive, and HIPAA Authorization. Plans are personally drafted and reviewed by a licensed attorney.
That is the practical middle ground: affordable estate planning without relying on a blank template or paying boutique-firm prices.
You may never feel completely comfortable naming a guardian. You do not need perfect certainty.
You need a thoughtful choice, a backup plan, clear instructions, and documents that work in your state.
